I hate bullies. I always have. The pain inflicted by them was brought into sharp focus recently by the tearful video of young middle school student who had experienced a particularly bad bought of bullying at lunch and left school for the day. His mother recorded his reaction and posted the video which has gone viral. The reaction has been widespread and dramatic. The young victim has been given support from everyone from movie actors to athletes, in spite of some negative comments about his family. My first response was one of anger and sadness. I think many of us have at least some idea of how this kid felt. It is a terrible, powerless feeling, one I unfortunately remember.
I was a tall, skinny kid. When I say skinny, I mean I was 5′ 11″ tall and weighed 115 lbs when I started high school. Like I said, skinny. The problem was I had a 200 pound mouth. Not a good combination. I didn’t go out of my way to find conflict, but I didn’t really have enough sense to avoid it, either. The end result was numerous negative interactions with larger boys. Yes, I was bullied. One incident stands out in my memory. We were in the old gym at Line Street School for PE, I presume. I was sitting near the top of the old wooden bleachers for some reason, when a squad of them surrounded me. Next thing I know, two of them had one of my legs each in hand and I was descending the bleachers involuntarily on my butt. I’m sure it was hilarious, but I don’t recall thinking it funny. I remember most being so angry because there was just nothing I could do. To this day, nothing infuriates me like being powerless.
It was especially bad during the middle school years, but eased up during junior high and high school as everyone sorted themselves out into social cliques. I was lucky as I became a total band geek and surrounded myself with good friends inside and outside the band. Did what I went through suck? Sure it did. Should it have happened? Probably not, but it did. No, I don’t think anyone should have been suspended or charged or anything else. It was just part of growing up and I have no doubt my thicker than normal hide is largely a result of those days. I don’t hold it against any of those guys. In fact, I can only remember one of them. OK, I’d gladly punch that guy in the face, but I understand he’s still a flaming butthole and deserves it!
Back then, being bullied was sort of a right of passage, something you almost had to go through. It toughened us up and prepared us for the bigger bullies who roam the real world. We were taught to either turn the other cheek or fight back, depending on the situation. If you did fight back and an actual scuffle ensued, both parties would visit the principal’s office, a note might be sent home, the combatants would be forced to shake hands, and that was it. No one was expelled. No psychological counseling was necessary. Law enforcement was not involved. I’m not saying this was necessarily the proper solution, but that’s the way it was.
Given this experience, I think you can understand why it has been hard for me to understand the current reaction to bullying. It has blown my mind to see parents filing lawsuits and charges being filed, never mind kids killing themselves or their classmates over it. But things are different now. Today, we have the miracle/curse of social media. Where I could survive a day of middle school and make it home to safety, kids now simply cannot escape it even if they aren’t personally engaged on social media. For some, it just never stops. They’re under constant attack on Facebook, Instagram, Snap Chat, and whatever other platforms the kids are using these days. I can’t imagine what that must be like. The other advantage I had was having a stable home, with two parents who loved me. I didn’t have to worry about whose week it was or if one or both would be there when I got home. I feel for kids today. I think it’s much more difficult now in a lot of ways than it was then.
So, yeah, I hate bullies. I can’t stand to see the strong pick on the weak because I’ve been there. Parents, we have to be aware of these kinds of activities and make sure our kids know they’re safe at home. We have to give them the tools they need to deal with bullies and the other predators prowling their world. I don’t think its practical to talk about putting an end to bullying. Kids are always going to pick on other kids. Some of the strong will always target some of the weak. I think we can mitigate it by ensuring our children are raised to be empathetic toward others and with an understanding that sometimes you have to stand up for yourself. They need to understand there are consequences to their actions, but they shouldn’t fear those consequences if they stand up for themselves or another classmate. I’ve told my daughter repeatedly to avoid conflicts if she can, but if someone puts their hands on her, she is to use whatever means necessary to back the offender up, including knees, elbows, fists, feet, backpack, whatever. She understands she will be “in trouble” at school, but not at home as long as she didn’t start it. I want her to refuse to be a victim. I hope that attitude will stay with her once she’s past the school-age bullies and dealing with the scarier ones waiting “out there”.